Every time we think we’ve finally given up on Paris Hilton–we just can’t take one more nipple slip or racial slur or wonky eye judging the paucity of our bank account–she lures us back in. It could be through egging on an oily spew of firecrotchnicity or pissing in a cab, but she always finds a way. And if it involves a monkey, a tiger, and ferrets (oh my!), all the better. After all, it’s not often that we get to make the coveted ferret/vagina comparison.

Granted this story is highly unlikely and comes from some Paris Hilton fan site that’s probably put together by some bloated forty-year-old who took half a day away from watching porn to make up a few stories about Paris, but still, it’s damned amusing. Quoth said old dude:

The hotel heiress brought her monkey, tiger and her ferrets to Sin City for a weekend of partying and was unimpressed when she realised she would have to spend the long drive with all the animals. Hilton says, “I bought, like, a monkey, a tiger and some ferrets. I tried to bring them on a commercial flight and they wouldn’t let me fly with all the animals. They said it wasn’t a travelling circus. “So I had to drive all the way home from Vegas in the limo with all these animals, there was like six. It was a lot.”
Our first question naturally is how Paris got those animals to Vegas. Did it possibly involve a tandem bicycle with Paris on the front seat, the tiger on the back, and the monkey and ferrets perched atop their shoulders? (Sub question: Do tigers have shoulders?) Our next question is how exactly one parties with a tiger, a monkey, and a couple of ferrets. Did she dress them up in G-strings and pasties and convince them to do strip routines at Scores? Did she go tequila shot for tequila shot with the tiger? And who came out the winner? This story poses so many questions that we think a reality show is in order. Perhaps for the next season of The Simple Life Paris can add an ostrich to her menagerie and convince network execs that it’s Nicole Richie.

Check out paris hilton nude sex scenes here

Paris Hilton

Place of birth: New York City, New York, USA

Date of birth: 02/17/1981

Mr. Skin’s Actress Bio: Superhumanly statuesque and blonder-than-blonde, Paris Hilton is named after the City of Lights, but her favorite color is pink, which she’s been flashing with her younger sister Nicky Hilton since they got out of diapers. Heiress to the Hilton hotel fortune, Paris is the ultimate party girl, famous for her topless table dancing at New York and Los Angeles hotspots. For her twenty-first birthday,… Click Here To Find Out More…

TV Shows:
E! True Hollywood Story …As Herself 2005-2005
2004 MTV Movie Awards …As Herself 2004-2004
The 2004 Teen Choice Awards …As Herself 2004-2004
The Simple Life …As Herself 2003-2005

Movies:
Best of Paris!!! 2005
1 Night in Paris 2004
The Hillz 2004
Carl’s Jr. Commercial 2005
House of Wax 2005
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! 2004
Wonderland 2003
Nine Lives 2002

See Paris naked and her sex videos here

Jennifer Aniston

Place of birth: Sherman Oaks, California, USA

Date of birth: 02/11/1969

Mr. Skin’s Actress Bio: Long known as the best body on NBC’s Friends, it’s hard to believe that just one year before being cast as Rachel on that runaway-hit series Jennifer Aniston was thanking her lucky charms for a part in the horror flick Leprechaun (1992). At the height of her small-screen mega-fame, she famously married movie star Brad Pitt in 2000, and even more famously divorced him… Click Here To Find Out More…

TV Shows:
Friends …Characters Name: Rachel Green (1994-2004)
Muddling Through …Characters Name: Madeline Drego (1994-1994)
The Edge …Characters Name: Various (1992-1992)
Ferris Bueller …Characters Name: Jeanie Bueller (1990-1990)
Molloy …Characters Name: Courtney (1990-1990)
The More You Know …Herself

Movies:
The Break-Up 2006
The Good Girl 2002
Friends with Money 2006
Derailed: Unrated 2005
Rumor Has It… 2005
Along Came Polly 2004
Rock Star 2001
The Object of My Affection 1998
Picture Perfect 1997
She’s the One 1996

Check Out All Of Jennifer Anistons Nude Photos and Sex Scenes Here

Despite what our dazzling good looks and brilliantly clever barbs might imply, we at CelebNewsWire are indeed human, and do occasionally make mistakes. When we said, the other day, that Justin Timberlake had shitcanned Cameron Diaz, we were wrong. However, when we said in that same story that she had gone topless at the beach, we were right. Damn right. Oh, what’s that you say? “Prove it”? “Post pictures”? Well, okay. Sure.

First of all, Justin and Cameron are apparently still together. They were spotted together at the Kid’s Choice Awards in addition to being seen having lunch at the Mondrian Hotel in LA last Thursday. So now that that tidbit is out of the way, kindly dive into this digital likeness of Cameron’s left boob button, snapped after she shucked her bikini top to dunk her yams in the ocean. Now that she’s back with Justin, there’s the added titillation of ogling the nipple of a taken woman, coupled with the comfort that comes with ogling a taken woman whose boyfriend is not going to know. And if he does know, he’s not going to come after you. And if he does come after you, he’s not going to slug you. And if he does slug you, it’s not going to hurt. And if it hurts, you’re not going to tell anybody. Because if you do, all your friends will know that you were cuffed by a falsetto boy cherub with soft flaxen ringlets.

Cameron Diaz naked and Exposed

Your average girl would feel a little awkward walking around buck naked in front of her boyfriend’s parents. Add in a team of movie cameras witnessing the strip down, and you’ve got a terrifying situation. Unless you’re Jennifer Aniston. Then you say, “Yeah, sure, your parents can get a good look at my ass. And why don’t you invite the family dog and your ten-year-old cousin and your high-school lunch lady. Hey everybody, look at my ass!”

Remember last month when we told you about Jennifer’s ass’s cameo in The Break-Up? And then how we told you that the filthy little fox loved being naked in front of those cameras? She also loved being naked in front of Vince Vaughn’s parents, as they were present on set the day her butt made its debut. Jen said:

His mom and dad were there for luck. But I didn’t feel intimidated. They made me feel welcome.
We at CelebNewsWire are nothing if not ass-loving perverts, so we’re totally jazzed to hear this fantastic news. Perhaps this means that Jen is now so comfortable going starkers that she’ll insist on at least one totally nude scene in every movie she makes in the future. And surely some of that skin will be caught on tape and displayed on a very large projection screen. For our part we’re going to spend the next week attending every showing of The Break-Up offered at our local multiplex so that Jen’s bankability rises and future roles are secured. But first we’re going to use this information for more immediate personal gain. Right now we’re working on our Vince Vaughn’s Dad costume. So far it consists of an afro wig (left over from our Marla Gibbs Halloween costume), a moustache (because every good disguise involves a moustache), and a T-shirt that says “Vince Vaughn’s Dad.” After the costume is in place we’ll sneak into Jen’s house and just wait for her to mistake us for Vince’s dad, at which point she will feel immediately comfortable and take off all of her clothes. It can’t miss!

See Jennifer Get Cheeky (ass) Right Here

It’s not often that you’ll find us celebrating the fact that an actress is eschewing a bikini to go fully-clothed on the beach. But when the actress is question is Keira Knightley, she of the lovely name and alluring pursed upper lip, and she’s wearing a completely wet and utterly sheer tank top, you’ll quickly see the reason we’re making merry like a roving band of woodland gnomes in a clover field.

Remember when we used to make a special effort to bring you nipples first thing every Monday morning? It was kind of a bribe, so you’d come into the office with a spring in your step and a song in your heart, looking forward to the start of the work week, and then your boss would notice your frolicsome mood and think, “Say, there goes a real go-getter; a self-starter. I’m going to give that whippersnapper a promotion and a raise” and then you stick around at your job and thus check our website more often, and we’re all happy. That’s what’s called a symbiotic relationship, like the shark and remora.

But then the upskirt took over as king of the accidental titillation, and pretty famous ladies started getting a little more demure about decolletage, and nipples have taken a backseat. But today, the bold and cutting-edge Keira Knightley bravely becomes a fashion icon, propelling us back to two months ago (nostalgia is so hot right now) and donning a see-through shirt at the beach. Pics are here and here. Oh, and for those of you who have never seen nipples before–the green ones are polka dots.

Check Out Keira Knightly Nude Right Here

You’ve seen Sophie in Bravheart as the Princess that wanted to get Mel Gibsons kilt off, and as a happy hooker in L’Amour Braque exposing lots of muff in her full frontal nudity appearance. Now you get to see her in a little public nipple slip action. She’s a little embarassed, but no harm done. What’s a little nipple exposure in front of millions Way to go Sophie Marceau!

Sneak a peek at Sophie Marceau totally nude right here

It’s been a busy week for Cameron Diaz. She’s reportedly been dumped by long-time love Justin Timberlake and she’s lost her bikini top at the beach. But when you think about it, showing your boobs to God and everyone in a public place really is the best course of action a famous lady can take after suffering the injustice (inJustince?) of being shitcanned by her cherub-curled child lover.

Last Saturday, Cameron was snapped (pictures will run in the next issue of Life & Style, reportedly) whooping it up on the beach with fellow Charlie’s Angel Drew Barrymore and some other non-famous plebe dames. Allegedly, Cameron did the robot (a fine variation on the butt dance she likes to do in every movie, to be sure), then, whipped into a joyous, robotic reverie, and popped her bikini top. Why the cameras did not capture this moment is one of the world’s greatest mysteries, but L&S did include some quotes from “eyewitnesses” who are obviously from the UK:

Cameron looked in fantastic shape. She was with a gaggle of girl pals and they spent ages riding the waves. She later whisked off her bikini top but kept on a straw hat to shield her face from the hot rays.

The men couldn’t believe their luck when Cameron peeled her bikini off.

L&S does mention that Cameron and Drew’s frolicking might be part of a bachelorette party for Cam, but today, everyone else is reporting that she’s been dumped by Timberlake. Guess they’re shouting “Timberrrrrrrrrr! . . . lake” on their relationship. Ha ha. H-ha? Anyway. Page Six reports:

Justin Timberlake has shown Cameron Diaz the door, so he can sow his wild oats. The hit-making horndog axed his love of three years because, “he’s poised to leave on a world tour and he wants to be free,” says veteran gossip Janet Charlton. She says Timberlake made his decision after he and his pals went on a stag weekend to Las Vegas and Cameron “went chasing after him. She was just too clingy.”

Timberlake’s new album is set to “drop”, as the kids say, in a couple of months, and according to various sources, it will be “raunchy” and “sexy,” “all about sexiness” and “mysterious and raunchy,” with a new single called “SexyBack.” Sounds . . . sexy?

See Cameron showing more then just tits right here

Damn straight, this is a nice little collection of celebrities in thongs puts together in a decent video clip, with music to go with it. So if you are trying to be quiet, make sure you turn the volume down before you play it

Done with the Celebrity thongs vid? See those same celebs nude here

Eva Mendes

Place of birth: Houston, Texas, USA
Date of birth: 03/05/1978

This is the tale of a sadly underutilized instrument of beauty finally being recognized and appreciated. After a slew of straight-to-video missteps (Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror [1998]) and worse (A Night at the Roxbury [1998]), Miami Latin hottie Eva Mendes writhed and quaked into mass ass consciousness as the busty, underdressed Join Now and read more…

Click Here For Nude Pics Of Eva Mendes

Anne Hathaway recently told The Sun that during the filming of The Devil Wears Prada, she had to admonish costar Stanley Tucci after he repeatedly elbowed her in the beans. But what do you expect from a guy whose name basically sounds like Can-ley Touchy?

When trapped on a film about the fashion industry with a bunch of cooties-infested girls and their dirty periods and frilly things and soft voices, sometimes a man’s gotta feel like a man, reaching out to seize a snatch of rack in his vise-like grip. Quoth the lovely and talented Anne:

There was this one day where he kept elbowing me in the breast. He wasn’t doing it to be like a dirty old man, but if we were doing a scene or I was just crossing to get to my mark [on the set] he would just smack me in my boob and elbow me. If you’re a girl you know that hurts. So, after about the fourth time, I finally turned to him and said: “Stanley can you please stay away from my tits?” Stanley got really flustered and he said: “What do you expect, you’re flinging those melons around like it’s harvest season!”

Harvest season. Now that’s a clever quip, right there. Guess we’ve finally figured out why, when we give our coworkers unsolicited touches, we get beaten about the face and neck with a metal stapler, while Stanley Tucci gets a lighthearted anecdote in a national newspaper–we didn’t pepper our game of grabass with charming catchphrases. Lesson learned.

Anne shows off said melons to delicious effect in a low-cut dress at the Devil Wears . . . premiere. Pics here.

Her boobies are exposed and naked right here

Title: Running Scared
Director: Wayne Kramer
Rated: R
Country: USA
Language: English
Runtime: 122 minutes
Theatrical Release: 02/24/2006
US DVD Release: 06/06/2006
Genre(s): Action, Crime, Drama, Thriller
Keyword(s): Pimps n’ Hos

Who Got Naked?: Vera Farmiga

Bravs Movie Review:
So I watched Running Scared the other night. I remembered all the hype and talk about how action packed this movie was, since I was in the mood for some action I chose to watch it for my movie night. Meh, it didnt live up to the hype..

Don’t get me wrong, the movie wasn’t horrible, in fact I enjoyed it. The story was decent, had some nice twists to it, got to see some nudity from Vera Farmiga and there was pleanty of guns, violence fights and death. There was enough of everything to keep my interest for the full 122 minutes of the movie. What kind of bothered me was the filming. I’m not sure what effect they were going for but it didn’t do the movie any justice.

Anyways, if you are having a movie night yourself and want a decent action movie by all means rent Running Scared. If all you do is fast forward to see naked Vera Farmiga it is still worth the few bucks.

Or you could just click here and see hundreds of stars naked

We bet you thought that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and their–what is it up to now? eighteen?–rainbow-colored children were the embodiment of peace and love and man’s humanity toward man or some bullshit. They’re all made of sunshine and kitten’s whiskers and ice-cream cones and unicorn essence, right? Well, not everyone in Namibia thinks that way. Some people think they’re the new Lewis and Clark. Or Vasco de Gama. Or . . . man, we really shouldn’t have dropped out of the eighth grade because we can’t remember the names of any more explorers. Columbus was one, right?

While the rest of the world was busy worshipping at their ad hoc Jolie-Pitt alters and waiting for The Baby that Would Save the World, some Namibians were just waiting for the spoiled Hollywoodians to get the hell out of their country. According to gossip pied piper FemaleFirst:

Namibia’s National Society for Human Rights (NSHR) branded the couple “colonial overlords” and accused them of taking over the African country when Shiloh Nouvel was born this month.

An NSHR spokesman said: “To shut down a national border so she can give birth in peace is a massive abuse of power.”

The human rights campaigners claim Angelina and Brad “used heavy-handed and brutal tactics” to persuade the Namibian government to agree to their demands.
We just think Ange and Brad were practicing for the day–after they’ve collected a sufficient number of world warrior orphans–when they will move to their own island country and create their own society–sort of a modern-day Swiss Family Robinson. Although they’ll have to work on the name a little bit, because The Multi-ethnic, Multi-cultural Family Jolie-Pitt is a bit cumbersome.

Angelina Jolie naked and beautiful right here

Kate Beckinsale recently told Jay Leno that she once posessed the enviable skill of being able to honk her teat and shoot a steady stream of breast milk across the room. You might think that Kate is milking her late-night appearance for publicity, but we find her udderly delightful. After all, she’s a perfectly delactable specimen–the cream of the crop, really. Skim after the cut to find out the whole story.

Our gossip doula, FemaleFirst, is the source of this tale, but we were wondering, how did this come up in the first place? Was Leno like, “So! Kate! Underworld 2 is out on DVD. Very exciting for you. Do you have any bodily tricks you could tell us about? Involving your boobs, perhaps?” FemaleFirst being FemaleFirst, they do not give us the setup, but do deliver the punchline. Kate said,

“I do miss breastfeeding. I was good at it. I got more than my fair share - I could hit the wall from quite a distance! I do have some useless talents.”

Kate went on to say that she’s taken herself out of the running to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming movie, explaining,

“I’ve embarrassed my daughter enough. I don’t think appearing in my underpants is appropriate.”

But you know what is totally appropriate and non-embarrassing? Having your mom appear on national television and discuss how she enjoyed spraying the walls of her domicile with the milk her boobs were producing to feed you.

Kate is looking great completely nude right here

If you think that Britney Spears needed help to look as trashy and unkempt as she did during her Dateline interview, you’re wrong. Her publicists recognized a lost cause when they saw one and stayed away. They were probably devoting their time to a more achievable goal than making Britney pretty–like breaking our Most Consecutive Hours of Masturbation World Record. We hope they’re not as committed as we were, cause we worked really hard to earn that title and don’t want it taken away.

We’re not really shocked by this news, as paying someone to dress you up like a pregnant teenage hooker from 1994 would be a bigger waste of money than paying to hear Paris Hilton sing. Page Six reports:

Britney Spears needs guidance. “Dateline” staffers were shocked when they showed up with Matt Lauer to interview Spears last week and found the pop star alone in her Malibu manse. “Neither of her publicists, Leslie Sloane Zelnick or Nanci Ryder, showed up,” said our source. Spears insisted on doing her own hair and makeup - a regrettable decision. Web sites derided her hair as a “rat’s nest” and, when she started crying during the interview, one of her fake eyelashes fell off. “When [the NBC crew] got there, they thought they had the wrong day . . . During the interview, no one was there to rein things in,” we’re told. Spears, when asked about Kevin Federline being with a pregnant Shar Jackson when they first met, shot back, “Julia Roberts‘ husband had a pregnant wife when he hooked up with Julia, but no one ever talked about that!” Spears wore flip-flops, a see-through tank and micro-mini jeans. Reps tried to control the damage on Friday. “They asked NBC not to release footage to places like E!,” said a source. Asked why Spears was on her own for the interview, Sloane Zelnick said, “Britney is a grown-up and makes her own decisions.”
(That bit about Julia, btw, is not true.) They didn’t even mention the things that most infuriated us during the interview: Britney’s incessant gum chewing and Matt Lauer’s own misguided sartorial choices. Perhaps his choice of the supremely un-hip jeans and navy sport coat combo paired with loafers AND NO SOCKS!!!! was just an attempt to distract from the fact that he was trying to ask a big ol’ pregnant lady in a dangerously close to clam revealing mini skirt serious questions and all he was getting was a series of air quotes and an insight into her unhealthy Goldie Hawn obsession.

See Britney in her hotter looking days here

AKA: The Birth of the Pink Panther
Director: Shawn Levy
Rated: PG
Country: USA
Language: English
Runtime: 93 minutes
Theatrical Release: 02/10/2006
US DVD Release: 06/13/2006
Genre(s): Comedy, Mystery

Bravs Movie Review:
I have been laid up for the last month with a busted up leg that I had to get surgery on, so I’ve had plenty of free time to watch some movies. Well, I chose to watch Pink Panther the other night, and I have to say I wasn’t impressed.

I am a fan of some of Steve Martins earlier films, most memorable are the ones he was in back in the days on John Candy (is one of my favourite comedians - RIP). He can usually pull off being funny in most occasions, but this film just seemed to lack the build up and the punch line. I can’t deny that there were some funny moments in The Pink Panther, but they were all fairly predictable and based around the stereotypes like the funny french accent guy that no one can understand and the not so smart cop that stumbles his way to solving crimes. On the plus side you get to see Beyonce Knowles looking pretty damn sexy throughout the movie!

Ok, so it wasn’t all bad, it would make a cute family movie to watch with dinner, but thats about it.

Enough of the Pink Panther, find some other famous pink spots here

Some people like roses and candlelight, some people like slow jams, some people like whispered sweet nothings. But if you’d like to get Swedish Playboy model Victoria Silvstedt in the mood, all you need to do is take a page from the songbook of Styx and come sail away with me, lads.

Exactly one year ago yesterday, we spoke of the time the pneumatic Victoria got it on with an elf on a yacht. As it turns out, this was not an isolated incident, and Ms. Silvstedt routinely makes a habit of engaging in genital delights while sailing the high seas. But honestly, take a gander at these pictures and tell us, gentle reader, if you were on a private boat, with an Amazonian, golden-blonde Playmate with enormous yambags crammed into a couple of straining triangles of gauze, would you not be tempted to cast aside the pesky bikini crotch and taste of her wares? After all, the deep seas were made for diving. Exploring. Mining for pearls. And other twee and precious euphemisms.

Victorias naked and damn well willing right here

Misty Mundae

Real Name: Erin DeWright

Date of birth: 10/16/1979

Place of birth: Illinois, USA

Bio:The beginning of the week isn’t so hard to take when it’s a Misty Mundae. The lithe star of Seduction Cinema’s freaky funhouse factory in New Jersey puts out carnal sinema at its breast. Not that mouth-watering Misty is exactly busty, but she’s no booby prize. Her petite treats up top go deliciously well with her bottom galore and an eager beaver’s taste for… Click Here For More

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Amanda Peet

Place of birth: New York, New York, USA
Date of birth: 01/11/1972

A leggy, auburn brunette who has one of the most mobile and expressive faces of any gorgeous actress of her generation, Amanda Peet is a delightful big-screen presence. Amanda’s oversized, crystalline-clear, blue-green eyes see deep into your secret desires, and her mouth spreads in that wide, wry grin that let’s you know she shares those Join Now and read more…

Click Here For More Nude Pics Of Amanda Peet

We always sort of suspected that Katherine Heigl is our type of girl. She’s smokin’ hot, has a nice big pair of knockers, and is pretty comfortable with nudity. And we learn that she’s into rough sex. And lots of it. If we’re not here tomorrow morning, don’t worry; we were probably just arrested for climbing into Kat’s bedroom window.

We mentioned last week that Katherine made a (presumably sarcastic) comment about how making a sex tape would help her career. And now that Kat’s been opening up even more about her sex life, seeing such a tape may prove to be our dying wish. She told FHM:

Katherine exposed right here