Bravs Celebrity Post

Charlize Theron
Place of birth: Benoni, South Africa
Date of birth: 08/07/1975

An exquisite pale complexion; a perfect, symmetrical smile; a taunting, plump bottom lip; soul-seeking eyes lidded in languorous abandon; yellow-gold hair as finely spun as angel’s breath–former model and current big-screen sultry star Charlize Theron is South African-born of German heritage, but who can be sure she was not dropped directly from heaven? How else Join Now and read more…

Jessica Alba’s nipple! Jessica Alba’s nipple! We. Can. See. Jessica. Alba’s. Nipple. This may be the greatest moment of our pathetic, joyless life. We now have no goals, no ambition, no reason to live. If we’re not here tomorrow, know that we died with a smile on our face and a dong in our hand.

Look there, underneath that layer of black lace, that’s Jessica Alba’s nipple, the one that she would use to nourish a newborn child, the one that gets all pointy when we touch it (at least that’s how it works in our fantasies. Sure, it’s not fully exposed, she’s not buck naked riding an eagle and twirling a lasso (again, our personal fantasies), but this is as close as we’ve ever gotten. Until this point it’s been all bikini, bikini, bikini, and that gets old after a few years. It starts with a nipple, folks, then it’s a bit of side boob, then the whole right knocker sneaks out in a bathtub scene, then she’s spread eagle in a nine-person lesbian pile-up. IT HAS BEGUN. Perhaps we have a reason to live after all.

See the whole sequence, from nipple protrudement to Jessica’s bemused discovery of her dress’s empathy with all mankind, at Hollywood Tuna.

Jessica Alba showing all kinds of skin right here

The French trailer for Marie Antoinette–a Sofia Coppola joint!–features, possibly, Kirsten Dunst’s ass. Which is kind of fitting, seeing how her last name sounds like a slang term for the butt and all.

When the butt (or the boobs, or the peebug, or the whatever) appears in a scene without the face, we are inclined to say that it’s a body double. However, Sofia Coppola is a kind and gentle lady and talked Scarlett Johansson into stuffing her tush into what appeared to be a piece of cheesecloth with a cotton crotch, so who knows? This could, in fact, be the Dunst bunst. And if it is, well, jolly good, because the rest of the trailer involves watching Kirsten and her baby fangs running around in tall wigs and period costumes while New Order plays, yet talking in that flat L.A. accent and chatting with that guy who played Max Fischer. Sacre bleu!

Naughty pics of Kirsten Dunst right here

If you’re anything like us, and we know you are, you perv, you wish Halle Berry would stop dicking around in cinematic gems like Catwoman and the body-double tomfoolery of Gothika and just get naked again. Well, it looks like she read all those letters we sent (most of them just said “show us your tits” because we’re not particularly creative) and might be ready to grant our wish.

We missed this item yesterday because we were too busy thinking about Charlie Sheen and teenage boys . . . er, we mean we were thinking about hot lesbians doing each other. Yes, that’s it. Anyway, Page Six updated the Halle/buck naked situation:

Halle Berry was so convincing in her sex scenes with Billy Bob Thornton in Monster’s Ball that she won an Oscar. And she’ll have more sex in her latest flick, Perfect Stranger - but only with herself. Her ornery co-star, Bruce Willis, is off-camera as Berry pleasures herself while Willis’ voice “tells her what to do over the computer.” As our spy said, “Halle keeps her hands to herself - and does a great job.”

Hmmm. We admit that we were fooled by this bit of covert publicity at first, but on second inspection we’re sniffing a bit of a Natalie Portman in Closer situation. We’ll probably start hearing more and more about Halle’s sexy performance in the coming weeks, and naturally we will assume that she will be all kinds of naked because to us sexy=naked. Then we will spend $9.50 to see the film on opening night, before a nudity sage can right our assumption. Then we’ll probably see a bit of Bruce Willis man ass and no nudity from Halle. Then we might have to lock ourself in our bedroom with a microwave, a year’s supply of Kraft Easy Mac, and a copy of Swordfish and not come out until Halle once again uncovers those beans. Actually, that doesn’t sound that bad.

Get Pics Of Halle Berry Nude At Mr Skin

Last Friday, we were so engrossed in the idea of Jane Fonda rogering Ted Turner up the stinker that we completely missed pictures of Tara Reid showing off her robohooters again. CelebNewsWire deeply regrets the error. After the jump, we rectify the situation. But not rectumfy. That’s Jane Fonda’s job.

According to imdb.com, Tara is currently filming a movie called If I Had Known I Was a Genius. Just let that sink in for a minute.

Click Here To See More Of Taras Tits

Last Friday morning, Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen were just another Hollywood couple dissolving their marriage, sorting out their assets, and figuring out custody arrangements. No big whoop. Today, Denise is a woman who has taken out a restraining order on her estranged husband and accused him of boffing hookers, gambling while she was giving birth, and looking at pornography that might just be pedophilic and/or gay in nature. Ah, what a difference a weekend makes.

Court documents obtained by thesmokinggun.com are detailed, dense, and read like a detective magazine from the 1940s. Only with underaged internet porn. Forget Gatsby, this, truly, is the great American novel! Sifting through Denise’s riveting first-person narrative is a little difficult on a Monday morning, so we’ll let TMZ.com weed out the greatest hits:
obtained by thesmokinggun.com are detailed, dense, and read like a detective magazine from the 1940s. Only with underaged internet porn. Forget , this, truly, is the great American novel! Sifting through Denise’s riveting first-person narrative is a little difficult on a Monday morning, so we’ll let TMZ.com weed out the greatest hits:

Richards says in her declaration that during their reconciliation last September, she discovered Sheen was visiting websites with “very young girls, who looked underage to me, with pigtails, braces, no pubic hair, performing oral sex with each other.” 

Richards also claims in her 17-page declaration that Sheen accessed other websites “…involving gay pornography also involving very young men who also did not look like adults.”

Richards, who sought a restraining order, claims that Sheen told her after she allegedly discovered the websites, “I hope you f-king die, bitch.”

On Friday, Denise took out a restraining order requiring Chuckles to “stay at least 300 feet from Richards, her home, her car and their two daughters except during supervised visits with the kids”, according to People magazine. We wish we could take out a restraining order requiring him to stay at least 300 feet from all movie sets. Ho ho! Get it? Cuz his movies suck.

Sheen issued a rebuttal statement on Friday, saying that his wife’s allegations were

“a most obvious immature and transparent smear campaign designed to hurt, embarrass and ultimately extort me . . . I deeply regret (that) her response to my request for the court to decide what’s best for our children has taken the form of baseless allegations that I deny. For the sake of my children, I am electing not to reciprocate in kind.”

We feel like supreme a-wipes for thinking this but, um, Denise? You married Charlie Sheen. What did you expect might happen? Hey, we’ve all made mistakes, you know? For example, years ago, we were briefly married to Robert Evans. But we didn’t expect to turn him into a bridge-playing, church-going family man. We expected some laughs, an ocean of tears, some high-grade cocaine, and a tropical tan. You just gotta know what you’re in for, sweetie.

UPDATE: Denise is allegedly hooking up with Richie Sambora, who is not only a man who pairs a burnt sienna Mystic Tan with a flippy soccer mom ‘do, but is the estranged husband of her very dearest friend, Heather Locklear. She wants him, dead or alive. She’s going to Lay her Hands on him. A taboo romance like this might Give Love a Bad Name, but once Denise and Richie get Wild in the Streets, they’ll Never Say Goodbye. Unless one of them gets a Social Disease.
Check Out Denise Richards Naked At Mr. Skin

Kate Hudson
Place of birth: Los Angeles, California, USA
Date of birth: 04/19/1979

Nobody can doubt the pedigree of Kate Hudson, coming from the holy union of mom Goldie Hawn and a genuine Hudson Brother (although Kate considers Kurt Russell to be her real father figure). There’s also no doubting that Kate got her mom’s sex appeal, as seen by the perfect breasts she sports as ’70s rock Join Now and read more…

To all you guys who saw Bend it Like Beckham and Pirates of the Caribbean and Pride and Prejudice (your girlfriend made you go, we’re sure): If it weren’t for you Keira Knightley would be a couple shots of Jameson away from going home with the first willing man to shag his brains out and leave without even exchanging names. Thanks a lot, guys.

Keira Knightley weren’t famous, she’d be a total slut. A drunken slut even. And she’d talk about it all the time and her parents would be totally cool with it and, like, cheer her on or give her advice on which hot guys to bang. We already knew that Keira was cooler than those prudes Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba because they’re all clothed and chaste and whatnot while Keira says, “Fuck it, I’ve got two aspirins on an ironing board and I’m gonna show ‘em to the world.” That makes any girl cool. But you know what makes a girl even cooler? Sleeping around. That’s right, girls, all you’ve got to do to make boys like you is to have lots and lots of sex. All the popular girls do. And Keira’s dad knows that better than anyone. Keira told Eclipse magazine:

My father says: “I wish this had happened in five years’ time, you could have been 20 and got really pissed and slept with loads of people and no one would have known.” That would have been great.

Our estimation of Hollywood fame has just plummeted. We thought half the point of being famous was so that you could screw every other famous person you came into contact with. But according to Keira us normal folk have more freedom of fucking than she does. The only problem is actually finding someone willing to fuck us. Keira’s definitely got the edge on us there.

We Have Keira Knightly Naked Boobs At Mr. Skin

Screen Caps From “Cabin Fever“

Biography : Cerina Vincent 

Date of birth: 02/07/1979

Place of birth: Las Vegas, Nevada, USA

Bio: Cerina Vincent got her big acting break back in 1999 when she landed the coveted role of Yellow Galaxy Ranger on the hit kiddie series Power Rangers Lost Galaxy. The brunette beauty vaulted about the cosmos kicking the crap out of bad-guy aliens whilst simultaneously teaching children all sorts of valuable moral lessons. Fortunately, Cerina

Find more of Cerina Vincent here….

Join now for more pics and videos

Despite this entry’s title, we will not be discussing Paris Hilton after a bout of heavy substance-injesting, leading Stamos Nachos to her pink boudoir, yanking down his pants, and making a ham-handed grab for a bedknob. Apologies.

An anonymous tipster wrote to Defamer and recounted the following glorious tale of Paris, knocked caddywhompus by the crashing of the Nachos’s 21rst birthday jamboree at her domicile by one “wasted” Courtney Love:

My new lady friend took me with her to Paris Hilton’s house on Monday night for Stavros’s glorious 21st birthday party. Well the liquor was flowing freely, I overheard Nicky say (about Courtney Love), “She’s here… don’t let her in, she’s wasted.” Of course, she was let in. Andy Milonakis was there, but HERE is the icing on the cake. 

Sometime after 1am Paris and Stavros were dancing together on Paris’s stripper pole when THE FUCKING POLE RIPPED OUT OF THE CEILING AND THEY FELL ON THE FLOOR. What I would have done to have caught it on my camera phone, someone must have caught it.

Which begs the question: What is the proper etiquette when one’s poorly installed coochie column comes loose from its anchorings, sending the writhing dancer to the floor? Laugh it off, dust oneself off, and gallantly grab a glass of champagne? Or act as if nothing happened, continuing one’s silent grinding and humping while lying on the floor, coated in plaster and loose bolts?
 

Not to mention the greater philosophical question: if a stripper pole falls in Paris Hilton’s house and no camera phone is there to record it, does it make a sound?

Find nude pics of Paris Hilton at Mr. Skin

Bridget Fonda
Place of birth: Los Angeles, California, USA
Date of birth: 01/27/1964

It ain’t easy being a rebel when your old man is Peter Fonda. But Bridget Fonda has tried to blaze her own trail in the same industry where dad, aunt Jane Fonda, and granddad Henry Fonda became stars. Bridget appeared in both You Can’t Hurry Love and Shag in 1988. She went on to star Join Now and read more…

In a recent interview with GQ, Tom Cruise joked that he would like to eat his unborn child’s placenta and umbilical cord. Take that, Woody Harrelson. You and your placenta soap have been totally faced.

Hate and love are the two strongest emotions humans can feel, and thus, are closely intertwined. We, being the fickle internet people that we are, drift willy-nilly betwixt the two when it comes to our feelings about certain celebrities. For example, we love to hate Fergie and Eva Longoria. And we hate to love Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Joining their esteemed ranks is Tom Cruise, a man so reviled that we’ve sort of come to adore him a teensy bit, especially since he’s taken to jerking the collective bird of the media. GQ asked Tom about the upcoming hatching of the 15-month fetus stewing inside Katie Holmes’s guts. In an uncharacteristic move (i.e. not involving the words “majestic” or “amazing”), Tom sassed,

“I’m gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there.”

Now, obviously, Tom was joking, but the magic of successful jokes is that there is an air of plausibility to them. And can’t you just see Tom, resplendent in a button-up oxford, boxers, and Ray-Bans, poised between the silently quivering thighs of his beardly lady love, catching the squalling infant shooting forth into his waiting hands? Ecstatically drawing the child up to his mouth, and with those great, glistening, paper white tombstone teeth, taking a joyous, nourishing bite out of the placenta, swallowing the cord in one gulp, and, overcome with the thrill of the moment, tearing the infant’s head clean off in one manic, cackling chomp?

Kate Cruise is NAAAAKED at MrSkin.com.

Title : Underworld : Evolution
Director: Len Wiseman
Rated: R
Country: USA
Language: Hungarian, French, English
Runtime: 106 minutes
Theatrical Release: 01/20/2006
Genre(s): Action, Fantasy, Horror
Keyword(s): Body Double, Menage-a-Trois, Skingoria
Who Got Naked? : Kate Beckinsale

Bravs Movie Review :
So Underworld : Evolution may not be the best movie.. it certainly didn’t live up to the hype created by it’s prequel. Honestly though, who’s really going to complain about a vampire movie that you get to see the beautiful Kate Beckinsale naked in? I mean come on, I saw it in theater just to see Kate on the big screen. I like to believe it’s Kate getting nude on screen, but it may be a body double.

Even if you aren’t into vampires or movies of the undead I suggest you see this video just for the brief moments of Kate Beckinsale’s flawless skin…

Or you could see more nude Kate Beckinsale shots at Mr Skin

Drew Barrymore
Place of birth: Culver City, L. A. California, USA
Date of birth: 02/22/1975

Born into acting’s legendary Barrymore clan, Drew’s thespian future was already mapped out for her; the jug-bearing and erotically outrageous public behavior have been her own doing. Darling Drew initially won the world over as seven-year-old Gertie in E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982). But it wasn’t until party-girl-in-waiting Drew grew up (and out) in all the Join Now and read more…

Eva Longoria Has More to Sit On
Eva Longoria would like to thank her personal trainer for putting one inch of hard, quivering muscle into her butt. Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.

A torrent of embarrassment. That’s what comes out of Eva Longoria’s mouth when you press the plastic button on her back. A torrent of embarrassment. At first, we were amused with her potty talk. Then we were disgusted. Then we were amused again. Now we just feel the familiar warm flush of shame whenever she gives an interview. This time, when speaking to the UK’s The Sun, she wisely eschewed all talk of dildoes, pubic fur, and her boyfriend’s lack of prowess in the boudoir, and stuck with a relatively safe topic: exercise. What reader wouldn’t want to know how Eva stays so fit and trim? Unfortuntely (or fortunately, whatever), Eva subconsciously makes even idle talk about the gym into a treatise on doing it:

“With all the lunges and squats and leg presses, I’ve gained an inch of muscle in my butt.”

Her trainer, named in the article as Patrick Murphy, needn’t feel too bad. He can always call up Eva’s boyfriend, Tony Parker, and form the Accidentally Emasculated By Eva Longoria Club.

More Hot Pics Of Eva Longoria At Mr Skin

Cameron Diaz’s Crack is Well-Flossed
It’s been one heck of a depressing week in the land of celebrity flesh. Nary a hint of pubes nor a whisper of areola to be seen. The closest we’ve come to actual nudity has been 1.83 inches of crack provided by Michelle Trachtenberg. But while bemoaning the state of our week, we realized that we’ve most likely been neglecting a large portion of the population. You see, not everyone gets all frothy at the hole for nip slips and cheek flashes; we’re sure there are plenty of people out there whose particular jollies come from thinking about/gazing upon a thin strip of mass-produced fabric bisecting the twin cheeks of the female buttocks. So, for those of you who love anus-scented textiles, Cameron Diaz’s thong is after the cut.

Yeeeup. There it is. A thong. Cameron Diaz wears a thong. Tell your friends. Alert the media. She’s whale-tailin’ it. Yep. Um, we don’t really have anything else to say about the matter.

See More Than Cameron Diaz’s Thong At Mr Skin

Jessica Alba Gets Some Hot Monkey Action
All we have to say is “Jessica Alba making out with a monkey” and you will be compelled to click on that little thing that says more and read on. Hell, we probably could have stopped at just “Jessica Alba” and you still would have read on, hoping that we were going to talk about her boobs.

The human race is incapable of resisting the wiles of Jessica Alba. We say, “She’s in a movie opposite human driftwood Paul Walker? Hot dog, we’re there!” And apparently the animal world is just as keen to her charms. According to Page Six:

Jessica Alba tells the London Sun that MTV producers staged her kissing a chimpanzee so they’d have a shoo-in for “Most Romantic Moment Award” at their movie honors ceremony. Alba, 24, was filming a video insert for “The Fantastic Four” when MTV producers allegedly tossed a monkey into her arms, prodding her to simulate a girl-on-ape moment.

Outwardly you may balk at the absurdity of a hot girl kissing a monkey, but inside you’re thinking, “Damn! Why didn’t Peter Jackson cast Jessica Alba in King Kong?” And you’ll surely get a banana in your pants after hearing Jessica herself recount her simian encounter. She said:

“It was awful. The monkey’s in my arms and I’m supposed to give her a peck. She opened my mouth and her tongue is scraping against my teeth. Monkey’s teeth are really long, kind of like a snake. Then I had to do it again, and she grabbed both of my ears and screamed in my face and showed me all of her teeth. I thought she was going to bite my face off.”

That may sound like a frightening, completely non-erotic encounter, but that’s just the way monkeys conduct foreplay. First they use their tongues to scrape your teeth, assuring there are no traces of banana or mealworm on them, then they tug at your ears (a known monkey erogenous zone) and scream like bloody hell to heighten your senses. From there monkey copulation begins to resemble that of humans, with the monkey slowly removing Jessica’s bikini top (Jessica’s wardrobe is 98% bikini) and rubbing its furry head between her exposed breasts. And we think you can handle the rest of this fantasy on your own. We’ll leave you alone with Jessica Alba and her horny lesbian monkey for the rest of the day.

Get Sexy Jessica Alba Pics Here

Carmen Rides Sybian, Loses Eyeliner Job

First Kate Moss got fired from several lucrative ad gigs after getting caught doing the naughty salt, now Carmen Electra’s contract with Max Factor is in jeopardy after she mounted a Sybian machine on Howard Stern’s radio show. So if you’re a model representing makeup, you can’t blow coke or rub your genitals on a piece of hardware intimately acquainted with Jenna Jameson? Cosmetic companies are fascists.

Apparently, when one signs a contract to become the face of a brand, one is issued a list of “rules”. And apparently, not straddling an expensive black machine designed for stimulating the female sex organs to a sexual climax is on the list. Who the F knew? In light of Carmen’s actions on Stern’s show, the fat cats over at Max Factor angrily threw down their pancake foundation and 2000 Calorie mascara and are in the process of reviewing her contract and considering dropping her from the campaign. In one of the greatest statements/excuses we have ever read in our entire lives, Carmen explained, “I didn’t do anything vulgar. It was a chair, I sat on a vibrating chair.” Touché. Like, what else can you say? Previously, after humping the dirty device, Carmen told Stern:

“It feels great. I have to get one for the house. It’s awesome. This is the best thing I have ever felt in my life. I felt like I was going to take off.”

She and hubby Dave Navarro have been rumored to be on th verge of a split for quite a while. We’re fairly sure that Carmen’s assertion that a vibrating pommel horse is more satisfying than her husband’s penis isn’t going to help matters much.

Get Some More Images Of Naughty Carmen Electra Here

Gwyneth Paltrow
Place of birth: Los Angeles, California, USA
Date of birth: 09/28/1972

Class and ass are an intoxicating concoction, and they mix in equal parts in svelte blonde knockout Gwyneth Paltrow. While small in boobage, there is nothing paltry about Paltrow’s package. The 33½-25-35, five-foot-nine-inch statuesque stunner first freed her cute cupfuls in Flesh and Bone (1993). Her flesh gave Mr. Skin a bone. She continued the Join Now and read more..

Place of birth: Brooklyn, New York, USA
Date of birth: 12/19/1972
Mr. Skins Actress Bio:
Alyssa Milano played Tony Danza’s daughter on the TV series Who’s the Boss?, teaching viewers the joys of watching a young girl develop, buy a bra to handle her blossoming charms, and then lose her virginity. When the show was cancelled, Alyssa lost the bra, and her massive talent spilled over onto the big screen. In Embrace of the Vampire (1994), she embraced more than gothic occultism, but lesbianism and threesomes too. For Poison Ivy 2: Lily (1995), Alyssa’s bouncingly firm dynamic duo showed why two are better than one. Returning to the small screen didn’t mean buttoning up her expressiveness. She went topless for The Outer Limits and sent audiences out of their minds. Bewitching with Shannen Doherty, Rose McGowan, and Holly Marie Combs on TV’s Charmed, Alyssa definitely puts a spell on you.

Skinfo:
Alyssa took off her bikini for Bikini magazine when her prime-time run on Who’s the Boss? ended in 1992. She says it was really for a coffee-table book about celebrities and their tattoos. Mr. Skin likes the hairy one she sports between her legs.
Inky-kinky Alyssa is adorned with seven tattoos: a sacred heart on her heart-shaped seat, rosary beads on her back, a fairy kneeling in grass on her hip, an angel on her left ankle, a snake biting its own tail on her right wrist, an “om” symbol on her left wrist, and a garland of flowers around her right ankle.
Alyssa may have replaced Godzilla tearing up Tokyo as the biggest thing in Japan. Her five pop albums scorched the charts and went multiplatinum in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Quotes:
 ”I think we’re in a time when everyone’s afraid to have sex. But I was raised being beautiful and healthy.” “I’ve dated the sweet mama’s boy, the musician rocker, the struggling artist–basically a lot of people without jobs.”
“I used to sleep nude–until the earthquake.”
“I’ve always believed in experiencing everything in life. When you walk out with blinders on, you cut yourself off from the angels and the fairies.”
“I feel a lot healthier when I’m having sex,” says Alyssa. Mr. Skin would have to agree that he, too, feels better when she’s knocking boobies. “Physically. I feel all these jitters when I wake up in the morning. Just energy jitters. I take vitamins, I work out every day. When I’m having sex, I don’t have that.”